Below, you will find an amazing testimony, given by an old school mate of mine, Megan. My prayer is that her testimony will reach anyone who has ever felt unworthy, or unloved; that it will reach anyone who has ever fallen short of God’s plans for them. Please know Christ loves you, and wishes all of the best for you. He wants very much, to be a part of your life. No matter how dirty you are, the Blood of The Lamb is enough to make you clean. This testimony is a beautiful example of God’s love, grace and compassion, and how Megan found Him in her darkest hours.
When I first moved to Destin, Florida after graduating, I was the quiet, naive girl from Missouri; not like any of the people that have lived in Destin their whole lives. I got a job as a cocktail waitress and started doing a lot of cocaine with co-workers and people I met that frequented the club. There was a group of guys that came in every weekend. They were the guys everyone wanted to be friends with, and to be accepted in to the clique. To my surprise, they took me in, to party and hang out with.
I remember clearly one night, a girlfriend of mine and I went to the apartment the guys all shared, because they were having a party. I had gotten off work fairly early; maybe 1 or 2 am. There had to be at least 30 people there and more cocaine, ecstasy, roll, and something called GHB than I had ever seen. I dove right in. I don’t remember much until I came to almost 12 hours later. I woke up on the couch, which wasn’t the last place I was. I knew that much. So I’m “coming to” on the couch with my girlfriend next to me, and people were doing blow in the kitchen and some were hanging out in recliners, but everyone was watching the television. Laughing cutting up, making comments.
As my mind became clearer, I glanced at the TV to see what was so great. At first all I saw was porn…totally not my thing. Then it dawned on me….it was me in the porn movie they were watching. What?! How could this be? Porn disgusts me! I looked at my friend and said, “That’s me on that movie”. She replied flatly, an, “uh huh”. It was then, that I realized they had overdosed me on the GHB date rape drug and I had 5 men rape me while I was in an unconscious state. No one stopped these animals, and to make matters worse, they video taped it. I was horrified! I found my keys, and quickly left.
I went straight to where my stepdad was working, but he wasn’t there. I broke down and the other people called my mom. She came to me and I told her everything. The police were called. I had to ride with the police to show them the location of the house. Then out of nowhere, a couple days later, the police tell me they raided the home, seized the drugs and have jailed all the people in connection but they could not charge them with rape, because the men said the sex was consensual. It makes me sick to even look back at that. I can still see it all so clearly. Its probably a memory that will haunt me forever.
Time went on and I cleaned up and had another child, and life was good. I divorced my first husband, and began dating this man I thought was everything I was looking for, to love me and my two children. I was wrong. It was a horrible relationship, filled with control, verbal and physical abuse, and complete alienation.
Around 2004-2005, I moved myself and my 2 children into an apartment, and for the first time, I was in control, or so I thought. I was always one to be the life of the party. I had access to copious amounts of drugs, and I certainly enjoyed that. Around May 2005, I came into a very large sum of money, and being the life of the party that I was, I chose to blow it all. Don’t get me wrong; I gave my kids everything they ever wanted. I bought 2-3 cars (BMW, Lexus, Escalade), furniture, we stayed at Disney for almost 3 months, and of course drugs were rampant. I was out of control. My kids were always taken care of though, and I would never use drugs around them.
In August 2005 I became pregnant with my third child. Her dad was my best friend. He could’ve possibly been the one who could’ve saved me, but he split as soon as I told him the news because he already had 5 boys under 11. We would still talk, but he always kept my baby girl and I at arm’s length. This broke my heart every day. I had my beautiful little Zoe in May 2006. She was perfect. My angel. But I still had my demons, and the addition of the fact that her father turned a cold shoulder to me just broke me down. I became depressed, and turned back to cocaine. It escalated though. I started hanging out with people that were in and out of jail; people that would rob their own parents.
During this time of partying, I met a man. He was very elusive and I knew from the first moment I met him, that the lifestyle we were both living was not us. We were trying to cover up our pain. His, in his own way, and me, in mine. I would only see him every two weeks or so and never got much of an opportunity to chat; just mere, brief encounters, where, for all I know, he didn’t even notice me. He peaked my interest, but it all went down hill and I never got that chance to know him better.
I was never involved in that (robbing people), but I did write a bad check on someone else’s account to buy liquor to trade for coke (mind you my stack of money had long been gone). The guy at the liquor store caught on, and this particular day, he locked the door with me inside, and called the cops. I tried to go out the back door and the guy slammed me to the ground and held me there like I was some violent criminal.
When he threw me to the ground, my pocket knife came out of my purse and the clerk lied and said I was threatening his life. Needless to say, I was sent to jail for forging instrument, fraud, and aggravated assault. What? This is crazy! I never tried to harm anyone. I had the worst public defender, and he didn’t want to fight for me. He was basically there for the state to keep me off the streets.
During this time my mother took my new baby and my other two children, and moved away. I had no one. It was the absolute worst low of my life. I turned to God. I had never really gotten to know God personally before, even though I was always very active in youth groups growing up. For me, it was more fellowship with my friends. My mother had never instilled in me, to have faith and trust in our Lord. This was up to me.
I went head first into the Bible, and from the first toe I dipped in, I felt a change come over me. The further I immersed myself, the stronger I was starting to become. Even though I spent 3 months in jail, lost my family etc., I was becoming a whole new person. From that day forward, I clung to God. I’d come to Him to beg Him to change things; change my heart, and to mend my heart. I would thank Him for being in my life when I was left alone. I spoke to God every single day.
It really dawned on me, that He was there listening to me, when one night (still in jail), I was awoken suddenly, to someone saying my name. It wasn’t an angry voice or a familiar voice. It was a very powerful voice, but still very calm and assuring, saying over and over, “Megan, Megan, Megan…I know you hear me. I hear you. You are not alone. Stay faithful; it will all be okay.” Seriously, I wasn’t on any drugs! It was beautiful, and I knew it was God. He had heard me.
When I got out of jail, I brought one thing with me; the Bible I had been given. That was all I needed. I made my way to south Florida, where my mother and children were. In order to see my children and regain custody, I had to jump through so many hoops, but it didn’t bother me. Day by day, I was growing stronger spiritually, and doing this for my kids. I finally got to a place where I had my kids back!
Megan’s Bible, she received while in jail, along with some of her favorite verses.
It took time, but I prayed; sometimes 3-6 times a day. I met my second husband, I think I knew deep inside that we were not for each other, but I felt like in my life, I hadn’t known what love was. We got pregnant not long after marrying, and I gave birth to my son, Cash. Here I was, all my babies all back where they belonged.
There was still a huge hole in my heart though; a hole I never thought would be fulfilled.
I divorced my 2nd husband, because there was no love there. I didn’t know how to fill the hole. At that point I didn’t ever try. I had my babies and I was ok for the first time, being alone without a man. Then, in 2015, tragedy struck. My beautiful Zoes daddy died. I will never forget having to sit and tell my baby. This angel baby that I felt saved me, I had to crush, and I was crushed too. Her dad and I had become great friends again through the years. Best friends. I was okay, never being more then that. He was wonderful not only to his ONLY baby girl, he was wonderful to all the kids.
We came to Destin after many years of hiding my face, to be with friends and family, and something told me to track down an old acquaintance. I called him. This man who so many years ago, I always wanted to get to know better. I was so happy to hear his voice, and hear how excited he was that I was here. I was back. I felt like a teenager, all jittery and giggly each time we spoke. We finally got to hang out one day, and the butterflies were going crazy inside me.
Here’s my chance! I finally get to meet him! I finally get to talk to him. Wow. And since that moment, we have been inseparable. He is my rock. He is the one I have searched my whole life for. He is the one that has filled that void I have always carried with me. He carries me when I can’t go any further. He encourages me. He teaches me. He’s patient with me. All these things I have never experienced in all my years.
Meeting Billy, again, after so many years was from God. God allowed all these trials and pain and being alone, because He knew who He had waiting for me. My life is 100% complete now. I thank God every day, for believing in me. For bringing my children and this wonderful man into my life. I honestly cannot say where I would be had Billy and I not connected when I came back to Destin. I didn’t know what my plan was, so all the times I would be angry with God, He just kept hugging me tighter, and whispering, “It’s going to be okay”. I take stock in that voice. I wait for it when I’m alone or when I’m having a bad day. His voice can always be heard, when I just let everything go, and tell God I can’t do it without Him.
My life now is more then I ever thought it would be. I have everything I have ever wanted, and that hole that lived in me is gone. I couldn’t have done or made it to where I am now without the guidance of our great Lord. I am living proof of the mountains God will move for one’s life!
I’m happy to say, I have been sober since April of 2007. 10 years, already!
More recent photos of Megan and her family, in her new life.